Marrakech - Salesmen Extraordinaire

Djamaa El Fna in Marrakech is where it’s at. This vast square is the hub of all activity; eating and drinking, shopping and browsing, watching and being watched, chilling and baking. It all happens in the heart of Marrakech.

Food stalls with steam and smoke wafting up and over the adjacent Koutoubia Mosque. Huge stalls of spices with a small space for the stall holder to pop his head up in the middles. Fresh orange juice stands, strong cinnamon tea, snake charmers, dancers, drummers. All before even thinking about the countless souks and the numerous burkha-veiled women offering to paint henna patterns all over your feet, ankles, wrists.

But like many other places it’s the people who make it what it is, and in Marrakech that means the swarm of stallholders and hawkers all competing for your business. They are a talented bunch, always ready with a good line to reel you in with.

Firstly though, they spot your nationality from a good thirty or forty metres away and they’ve got you in their sights. Presumably these talented hawkers have got so good at spotting the idiosyncrasies of differing national styles of dress and manner that they instantly know what language they need to use.

In all the time I was there it was rare that someone tried the wrong language first off, and even when they did, it was generally a mere momentary lapse before they switch effortlessly to English for me.


The ability to hawk in several languages is clearly a prerequisite; Arabic, French, English, Spanish, Catalan, Italian, German – it’s all easy to the sellers of Marrakech. I saw one long monologue given in Spanish to a group on Real Madrid fan’s camera of a presumably scathing (and no doubt utterly filthy) assessment of Barcelona ’s chances this year which produced raucous laughter from those behind the camera – truly impressive.

But the lines they come up with are just as impressive. Plenty of “Lovely Jubbly” and similar Del Boy pronunciations in a very good cockney accent always got a giggle, then as you walk on by the response of “Am I bovvered?” was particularly humerous of one food stall cheerleader.


They could be more specific in the targeting of you too. Thanks to my lack of hair I stood out in the crowd somewhat and needless to say this was used to attract my attention too. Numerous calls of Bruce Willis were a bit predictable, but more impressive was the “Hey, Heston! Heston Blumenthal, you come try my cooking! Hey Heston!”


A rebuttal was generally followed by more frenzied attempts to get your approval, but after a few days when you’ve refused the same people more than once – particularly since they always seemed to remember me – got a bit trickier.

Having not eaten at the “Heston Blumenthal” food stall for a few days running my formerly enthusiastic friends there seemed to have accepted their fate and as I walked nearby I got “Ah Heston, it’s always ‘computer says no’”.

Into the souqs, with the dazzling array of bags, scarfs, jewellery, dishes and spices, the marketeers are equally skilled. The thing to avoid if you don't want to end up in negotiations is eye contact with the seller as you walk past - once you've looked they are onto you like a limpet! Similarly, the frequently offered handshakes are a bit of a poisoned chalice. Yes you want to be friendly with the locals, but once they have your hand they aren't going to let go easily with all the shocked "offence" if you try to extricate yourself too quickly. It's a minefield I tell you.

Of course they have their one-liners too. A good one? How about "Not like Primark here my friend, this is Marks & Spencer quality".

The other technique is the old lost tourist routine. Looking slightly lost in the maze of souqs there is never a shortage of people offering advice, but be careful - the promised attraction just around the corner may actually be half an hour away as your new found friend leads you onwards. On the other hand, some bits of advice are just that. How are you supposed to tell the difference? You can't, but it's a fun experience no matter what. Keep it all in a light-hearted spirit and enjoy the ride.